Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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