Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
