I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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