We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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