I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
