Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
3 2 1 whiskey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
