a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
