the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize