My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
