You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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