Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize