I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
