i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
