so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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