when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
