I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
