i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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