Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
