why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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