i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
