why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
