I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize