you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
