I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
