just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
