The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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