i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
