and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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