He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
