I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
