D3 body, D1 cock
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
