I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
