I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
