direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Two words: nipple clamps
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