I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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