the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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