How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
