all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize