seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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