I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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