Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
