Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
