Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
