he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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