dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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