I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
