I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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