I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
