check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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