Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize