Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
