Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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