How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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