did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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