Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
