Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
