i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
