she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm at about main and main street
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize