Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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