Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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