Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
