my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
