My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
