I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
