dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
