theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Life is so much better after having sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
whose parrot is this?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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