You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
