Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
