I'm drive I can fine osifer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
