No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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