So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
