dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My ATM looks so different sober.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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