Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
