My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
