the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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