Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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