so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
