he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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