nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
