I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
