just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
