she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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